The media have been screaming bloody murder over Exxon’s recent quarterly results. Even the Anointed One has decreed that these profits are “excessive” and has announced a blatantly socialist plan to further tax Exxon so that he can buy votes with $1000 stimulus checks.

While it’s true that Exxon’s net profits of $11.7 billion is a record quarterly profit for any company, the numbers are far more interesting.  Mark Perry at iStockAnalyst points out that Exxon paid 3 times that amount in taxes already!

As I noted briefly in his comment section, if you simplify Exxon to be solely a gasoline vendor, here is how the average $4 per gallon price breaks down:

That means, all tolled, the government (federal, state and local) receives $1.23 per gallon and Exxon receives $0.31 per gallon.

So, who’s making the windfall profit?

By the way, the $2.46?  That mostly goes to foreign governments who own the only lands our Congress will allow us to drill.  I’m sure that will end well.

UPDATE: By the way, if Obama’s $50 billion stimulus plan were enacted, the taxes would (as they are now) merely be passed on to the consumer.  Meaning that, assuming for simplicity sake, everything else remained constant, Obama’s $50 billion would add $1.32 to the price of gasoline.  Even if you assume Exxon’s profits went to zero, the price of gas would instantly go up to about $5.00 per gallon.

$5/gallon gas in January?  Yes We Can!

UPDATE #2:  One reader pointed out that Obama’s plan would spread his “windfall profits tax” over 5 years (and presumably more oil companies than just Exxon).  That would only increase the price to about $4.30 or so.

Jim Gereghty at the Campaign Spot points out Obama’s flimsy New Math on tire pressure.  I agree with Jim in general, but I think there’s an easier way to make the point.  First, Obama’s connecting this with offshore oil drilling is ridiculous.  That’s like a doctor telling a man with a cold, if you lay down part of the day, you’d cough less and you won’t need so much cough syrup.  Okay, but why don’t I do both, would that be better?

In any event, Obama is claiming that properly inflating tires would have a significant impact on gas prices.  Let’s take Jim’s assumptions and see:

Assuming:

• The average commuter commutes 33 miles per day;
• The average car gets 24 mpg (unlikely, but okay);
• Improper tire pressure decreases efficiency by 2.5 mpg (average of 2-3 mpg);
• And 1 out of 3 commuters has improper tire pressure.

Take three random commuters: two travel 33 miles each at 24 mpg (1.375 gallons per day) and the other at 21.5 mpg (1.53 gallons).  The evil, unAmerican commuter is wasting .16 gallons per day.

To put into perspective, this means that uninflated tires increase domestic demand by .16 gallons for every 4.125 gallons.  (All three commuters with properly inflated tires would use (1.375 * 3 = ) 4.125 gallons.)   Put another way, this is an effect of less than 4% (.16 / 4.125).

Assuming you believe in the law of supply and demand, a 4% decrease in demand should correspond to at most a 4% decrease in price.  This ignores effects like stockpiling and the cost of the federal beauracracy needed to ensure compliance.  If the average price of gas is now roughly $4.00 per gallon, a 4% decrease would make it $3.84, saving $.16 per gallon.

To sum up, forcing every motorist to properly inflate their tires would save, at most, $.16 per gallon.

In contrast, the federal tax on gasoline is $.184 per gallon.  Wasn’t there a candidate who said that eliminating this tax was a “typical Washington gimmick” that wouldn’t amount to any real savings?

If this is not the height of government stupidity, I fear what that might look like. The city of Washington D.C. (which, you’ll recall, is federal property overseen by the United States Congress) bought 3 electric streetcars three years ago for a total price of $10,000,000. Why? No one really knows, as the city does not have the overhead power lines needed to run the cars, nor does it have a plan to build them.   So the streetcars remain in a factory in the Czech Republic, presumably where the person who bribed the incompetent idiot in D.C. works.

Your tax dollars at work.

April 14, 2010

In an effort to alleviate decreasing consumer confidence and skyrocketing food and energy costs, President Obama announced a broad tax relief package today. The plan, which is modeled after President Obama’s anti-foreclosure plan, allows federal judges to reduce the tax burdens of those who cannot afford the fat, bloated government they purchased.

“Just like the economic recovery plan I proposed when running for president,” noted President Obama, “this plan allows for an ex post facto repricing. If a taxpayer is having trouble paying for the enormous bloated bureaucracy they bought when they elected me and my fellow Democrats, they can declare bankruptcy and a federal judge will be empowered to adjust their tax burden.”

Critics of the plan note that it will create what one Senator calls “a reverse ponzi scheme.” At first, the lower middle class will begin to file bankruptcy, “which will increase the burden on those left paying taxes, causing them to file for lower taxes. Eventually, you won’t have anyone left to pay taxes except George Soros, Hillary Clinton and Al Gore.”

President Obama dismissed these claims as unhopeful, saying “I find your lack of hope disturbing.” John Sweeney, the new Secretary of the Treasury, noted that the plan would be “as, if not more successful as the anti-foreclosure rule.” The Treasury department reported that exactly zero home foreclosures have occurred since last month, down from 25 the previous month.

“We have not seen the ‘dramatic’ increase in interest rates predicted by the so called ‘experts,’” noted Secretary Sweeney. The nationwide average interest rate on a 30 year mortgage remains steady at 24%.

The IRS announced today that it would send letters to 130 million U.S. tax (presumably) payers to make sure these people take advantage of its free money giveaway. At a cost of now $.42 each, that’s almost $55,000,000 in additional government waste to encourage people who are too stupid or out of touch to file for a rebate. That is, of course, in addition to the $55 million it will spend to send the checks totalling $168 billion to those, confessedly, idiotic taxpayers.

Is it just me, or is there something terribly wrong here? I, of course, am too wealthy to qualify for these rebates. As one of those “fat cats who don’t pay taxes,” last year I paid over $90,000 in taxes last year (not including sales taxes, telecommunications excise, you-don’t-pay-enough-so-we’ll-charge-you-more taxes (state and federal) and countless indirect taxes on luxury items, like milk and gasoline). In fact, I’m so wealthy that they made a special “alternative” tax just for me.

All of this wealth, and yet my wife and I have one car, can’t afford to buy a house and still have over $100,000 in consumer and student loan debt. It’s great to be wealthy, I just wish it didn’t cost so much.

Of course, there are people who are less fortunate. People like George and Martha Doughn-Reade, who make less income than me, yet still decided to take out an interest only adjustable rate mortage to buy a house they couldn’t possibly afford. It doesn’t take a high-priced Manhattan lawyer to tell you that your payments after the interest-only period will nearly double, or worse.

Now that they’re in trouble, the government also wants me to step in and bail them out. So I’m paying for some schmuck to live in a house that I can’t even afford. To make things worse, the fact that this guy won’t be forced to sell his house means the inflated housing market will stay inflated that much longer. And to top it all off, even the government doesn’t think Mr. and Mrs. Doughn-Reade are smart enough to know there’s a rebate waiting for them. Must be an election year.

Now, the purpose of these rebates is to stimulate the economy. How, exactly, is someone who doesn’t know that an interest-only ARM is a bad idea, going to stimulate the economy with $600 in their pocket? Not to mention that this is a person who, according to the IRS, still doesn’t know that he or she qualifies for that rebate?

If you really want to stimulate the economy, (1) stop robbing people who are making a good living and (2) take your $168 billion and give it to small businesses, who are the heart and soul of the American economy. Of course, what do I know? I’m just one of the “top ten percent” who don’t pay any real taxes.

October 10, 2011
The Clinton administration, in an effort to the “Health Insurance for All” program, is looking into the criminalization of poverty.  “Garnishment of wages is just not working, and we still have a significant number of uninsured in this country,” noted one administration official. 

The Department of Garnishment Redistribution and Administration of Benefits has noted that many workers are simply not cooperating with the mandatory insurance enrollment program.  “If people aren’t going to cooperate by earning enough money, we’re going to have to get more aggressive,” noted Hahn Dowt, a GRAB administrator.  “I think there are a number of mechanisms that are possible, including arresting those who refuse to make enough money to pay for their own healthcare.”

Clearly the Nigerian scam artists are feeling the pinch of a weak dollar.  I received in my personal email inbox today an email claiming to be from service@irs.gov. There were several things that raised my radar about this email:

1. It purported to be a letter from the government saying they owed me money.  Let me say that again, the IRS was, allegedly, voluntarily notifying me that I had overpaid taxes.
2. It had a little notice at the bottom that said (Copyright Internal Revenue Service).  For the record, the federal government does not have copyrights on any work it creates or publishes.  Such work is automatically in the public domain.
3. Did I mention the part about the government owing me money?

Clearly this was a hoax, but I was intrigued.  If you follow the link (which I don’t recommend), it takes you to a hoax page at www.helpachimp.com.  This site is apparently a legitimate site that has been targeted.

 In any event, if you get a message from someone claiming to be the IRS, your best bet is to delete it or contact the IRS through www.irs.gov.

I am, improbably, on jury duty for the next few weeks, so the posts will be even fewer and further between.

I have had some time to update the Newsstand, however:

Didn’t Ask, Wasn’t Told
If it can work for the military, it can work for you!  This one is for the guy or girl that loves living in the dark:

To Serve Man Barbeque Apron
Made for the consummate Twighlight Zone Fan, this lovely barbeque apron is from our Kanamits collection.

Plant Food
The first in a long line of “Screw Al Gore” fashion statements.  This lovely faux-environmental design lets people know what Carbon Dioxide really is.

Caution: Government Incompetence At Work
Is your neighborhood or town filled with incomplete projects or tax-payer funded eyesores?  Do you ever wonder why, if polls are open from 7 a.m. to 9 p.m., government offices that are open from 9 to 4:10 are closed on election day?  Let them know how you feel with this lawn sign (also available in magnets and t-shirts for the more subtle protestor).

Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY), in projecting large Democrat gains next November, gleefully noted that, “We’re about at the tail end of the Ronald Reagan era, where his ideas — fresh and, even as a Democrat, I’d say, many of them needed at the time — have just lost steam, lost resonance.”  Senator Schumer, referring to the turn-around from the defeatism and economic ruin of the Carter years to the fall of the Soviet Union, expressed pride in his fellow Democrats and hope for the future.

“No longer will America be seen as a shining city on a hill.  I mean, that was nonsense.  We’re no better than Iran or Sudan.  People only come to America because we have high crime and no economic opportunity.  We really don’t have anything to be proud of,” Schumer said.  “Finally,” he added, “we are free from the chains of pride forged by President Reagan and can slink into mediocrity.  That’s our plan as Democrats, and I’m proud to lead the way.”

Schumer also outlined a list of “Reaganisms” that, under a Democratic regime, would not longer hold true:

1. Entrepreneurs and their small enterprises are responsible for almost all the economic growth in the United States.
2. I don’t believe in a government that protects us from ourselves.
3. The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.’ 
4. A troubled and afflicted mankind looks to us, pleading for us to keep our rendezvous with destiny; that we will uphold the principles of self-reliance, self-discipline, morality, and, above all, responsible liberty for every individual; that we will become that shining city on a hill.  

These Reaganism will be replaced by the following “Schumerisms” (which will now be recited daily in all school classrooms and re-education centers)

1. Big Government™ shall be responsible for all economic growth, if any, in the United States.
2. Big Government™ shall be the only thing standing between you and harm.  Self Reliance is dead.
3. The nine most terrifying beautiful words in the English language are, ‘The government is providing all of your healthcare coverage.’ 
4. A troubled and afflicted mankind looks to us, because we’re to blame for all the world’s troubles.  We’re the scum of the world and taxes are our penance.  

Republicans were quick to point out that they, too had a roll to play in the end of the Reagan Era.  “Look, we all started out in favor of Reagan, but once we gained complete control of the government, we too saw the need for big government to solve all of our problems,” noted Dee Fector (R-INO), a 12-term Republican who first joined the House during President Reagan’s second term.  “If anyone is to take credit for the end of the Reagan Era of pride, self-reliance and limited government, the Republican

Democrats came out fighting today in response to President Bush’s charges that they have “wasted time investigating” and “have never seen a problem they couldn’t solve by raising taxes.”   The President also expressed exasperation over the Democrat tendency to link every conversation to the war in Iraq.

“Those are ridiculous and unfair charges,” noted Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-Ranged).  “I call upon my colleagues in the House to investigate the President’s motives behind making these allegations.”  Ms. Pelosi also noted that “Americans are just not aware of the fine work we’re doing in the 110th Congress.  Today I am proposing a three trillion dollar ($3,000,000,000,000) program to educate taxpayers.  The additional expense will be paid through an excise tax on air.”  Ms. Pelosi also questioned President Bush’s track record this year.  “If he didn’t spend so much time killing babies in Iraq, we wouldn’t be here today.”